Jokes to tickle your funny bone:

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Loewen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Loewen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Loewen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Loewen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Loewen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

Dear Mr President

Dear Mr. President, Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan": There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement With the following stipulations: 1) they MUST retire. Forty million job openings - unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed. It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes... Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto! If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.

Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?' At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shot gun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him. ‘You are going to try again."

Fred and Larry
Two gay guys, Fred and Larry, legally gets married in Maine. They couldn't afford a honeymoon, so, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?' She replies, ‘No.’ Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school’ after school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?' He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue.

The other day, a gentleman went to the dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle to give him a shot. "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do gas either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me"! The dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills". The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet." The gentleman said in amazement, "WOW! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth!"

Dancer of the week: Adriana